Weekend

I learned a lot about life this weekend.

I took my Buick apart, and did a good job putting it back together...still won't start, kinda don't care.

I got some fenders shipped to me from Kentucky, but I had to go pick them up in Willimantic, so I took my gramps along for the ride. The stories were endless, and he talked at length about old friends he missed. I think it was the first time I saw a weakness in him, at least since his mother died almost 20 years ago.

Fixing my truck up with him has been an experience. Hell it's pretty much his truck. Before I got it, he seemed content on just being an old man, but him doing something he enjoyed doing before he was my age seems to have added 20 years to his longevity.

I talked at length with my girlfriend about why I didn't want to get married, but at the end, I didn't really have a good reason, made her feel bad, made myself feel like shit.

On Easter, politics came up. Just in the kitchen between me and my gramma...a woman who had been my best friend as a little boy, when I would call her and talk to her for a whole hour about whatever was interesting to a six year old boy at the time, even though she lived right down the street. I can't even bring myself to utter an I love you to her. I won't even ask myself why it's so hard, because I know it will just unravel a disappointing amount of emotional problems I still have.

"If you elect Obama, we'll have all the Muslims over here"

::speechlessness:::

"If your Grandmother leaned any farther to the right, she'd fall off the edge"-Gramps

If you can't understand the Obama-Wright controversy as being nothing more than a publicity stunt, come to dinner with my family.

The pinstripe chronicles. My brother is a skater, and a good one. I forgot he was even old enough to spell 'Chronicle', let alone post up a few youtube videos and sneak the 'F-word' into conversation when he assumes I'd be cool with it.

He's already popular with the ladies at school. Sometimes that puts me in an awkward position because I never really was.

On April 4th, they're having a 'Hero's Breakfast at his school. He invited me as his guest, because he says that I'm his hero according to a neatly written letter on school letterhead. If I even read the letter, my lip quivers like a little girl with soggy shorts.

At the end of the weekend I realized...stuff. I'm appreciated, loved, and non-reciprocating, at least verbally.

Marriage isn't horrible and I want to do it. My stepfather is one of the greatest people on the planet, and I wish sometimes that he had been my real dad. Simple things can unravel complicated men, and love is unconditional no matter how hard you try to throw in footnotes, asterisks, and brick walls.